Complicated thoughts

I really hate to be blogging about what I  think at time especially when I am in the middle of work that I cannot continue until I put it into writing.but I really miss writing, I miss talking to myself especially when I have complicated thoughts.

It is an exemption gift to have the time to be all alone with yourself without anything buzzing around.
I am practically alone in this room almost all day but my mind flew away thinking about new strategies, lost love, new-found love and everything else.

It's been bothering me all day that I think I am falling for my friend, which is a very big no-no.
he treat me as a little sister and I treat him as an older brother but my feelings for him started to change
from the root that I do not know.

I found this again complicated to learn by myself that I already like him. after so much teasing by our friends and too much denial in me, the truth finally broke itself.

I don't like this feeling knowing that in the end, i'll just take a shower so as not to feel tears flowing
to my cheeks.

Nothing

i thought it will all come to pass
i am happy with myself now
eating with myself, shopping with myself
spending time with myself.
but as the cold breeze of the wind
kissed my cheeks on a hot noon
i realized i'm still hurt.

i tried to cheer myself
eat, watch movie, drink frappucino
sought the companion of friends
that never arrived and i realized i am alone.
and on the dark night
when i saw his virtual presence
it all came back in a breeze
that he simply left me
without saying goodbye
and i am all but a trash...

Secret love

i simply love you

for the reason that I do not know

maybe i should keep this inside me

so that it could never face the rejection

i'm scared you might hold.

The man in the red car

It's warm and the air is humid
I'm tired pulling the trolley and my notebook
I stood by the alley to wait for you
until I saw you standing near a red car.

In my doubts I tried to pretend
of not seeing the man
but to my surprise you took my luggage
and I rode the red car.

A smack to say hello
A smile to make everything comfortable
the man in the red car
is the friend I ought to see after all.

That was the beginning
and I could not but be satisfied with
the attention and vacation
that the man in the red car granted.

But deep inside I could feel
that the man in the red car
is far from reach
Then I know it was hurting inside me.

At the last day
A smack to say thank you
but i think the same smack
sealed the old friendship.

And now it is never the same
And I could feel the pain inside
That I miss the man in the red car
the man in the red car I almost loved.

Faded

I fell inlove with the picture I saw
and created perfections that I dreamed.
I fell in love with the man in the picture
who later become my inspiration.
I fell from the clouds
in the hope to reach the man in the picture....

With my fault of doubting the possibilities....

Now the picture I fell inlove with
the man who became my inspiration
faded away....
And I lost the dream
I am almost at reach.